Rosie asks :

Hi there Lucy, 

I really need your help! My friend is always undermining me. It's really small things but they build up; for instance, I'll be talking to her and she'll laugh and tell me I'm really thick. She'll send me an Instagram of her new skinny jeans and tell me she would let me borrow them but I might not fit in them because I'm too fat (which I'm really not!!), or she'll laugh at my ambitions and whisper to my other friend that I'll never get there and it's a crap idea really loudly. I can hear her perfectly well. 

She’ll tell me that I need to dye my hair so I can look like her because my hair colour is really ugly (when it's just a normal blonde) and when I'm eating (which I've just started doing again after tackling with bulimia for the last year or two) she'll tell me that I really need to go on a diet and tell me I looked better when I had bulimia! They're just little things but they happen all the time and makes me want to sink into the floor. She does it ALL THE TIME!!!

 

Hi Rosie,

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

First of all this woman is not your friend- it sounds like she never lifts you up with her words and is always putting you down.

True friends don't do that- true friends make you feel better about yourself- not worse.

There are two people in life- drains and radiators- the radiators are the ones who make you feel, warm, safe and supported- the drains are the ones who sap you of all your positive energy and self-esteem. You may want to think about keeping the radiators in your life and leaving the drains behind. In other words, you might want to consider getting a new set of friends.

It's important to remember that people who point out what THEY see to be faults in others often have issues around their own appearance and personality. It says more about them than it does you- so try to keep that in mind when she comes at you with an insult. And remember- their opinion is just that- it's an opinion- NOT fact. 

It sounds like she is a very insecure person and is shifting the focus onto you to make herself feel better. The truth is that it will only distract her for a little while, where her words have a greater impact on you, which is why you might want to think about establishing more positive friendships with other people. It seems that your other friends are not sticking up for you when she plays such games and that you might be lacking allies in your group.

Considering that you have had a history of bulimia, having someone in your life who brings attention to your weight might hinder your progress. You need support- not a knockback so please surround yourself with people who want you to be happy and healthy.


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