EB asks :

Hi Lucy, 

Why does it feel I'm at war with myself? I say to myself I want to do things and change but it never turns out that way. At the beginning, I always feel as if it’s the right choice and it’s where I want to be, but those feelings always fade. It’s this way for everything I do. I just can’t hold on to any emotion I have. How am I meant to direct my life if I can’t even tell I'm on a road? I try and think differently but eventually I always end up sat in my own head questioning who I am. Thanks.


Hi EB,

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

It sounds like you may lack a support system here. You mention about being 'in your own head', perhaps it might help to talk to someone rather than keeping it all bottled up.

You could enrol in some counselling with your healthcare provider or privately to talk about the way you're feeling right now. Or if you have a good friend or family member- it might be time to let them be your sounding board for a while. They might be able to suggest something or even help you to find a new path.

This indecision could be down to few things. It might be because you lack confidence and have not had enough praise in the past to give you an incentive to persist with something.

It might be that you simply have not found your calling in life and have gone down a few other roads that weren't suited to you.

Perhaps you like the high of doing something new- new people, new places and learning new things and the reason you let go is because that initial honeymoon phase with whatever it is wears off.

Maybe you would benefit from writing down everything you have tried and decided wasn't for you? Then write next to it what you didn't like- that way you might be able to figure out what you can look for next and eliminate those things you know don't work for you?

People don't have to fit into one category. For instance- your job doesn't define all of you. Who you are with doesn't dictate who you are. You can be many things. A partner, a worker, you can have a few hobbies to your name, go out with different social groups. All of which make up who you are. If you can't settle on one thing then it might be time to incorporate lots of little things in your life to hold your interest. You might have been trying to fit into one category when you can spread yourself across as many as it takes to make you happy.

Perhaps the goals you have set yourself have been too much for you. If you were doing too much or too fast, then you might have felt overwhelmed or that you couldn't cope. This may be why you often take a step back.

Perhaps you need to be more realistic with your goals to give you a better chance at success. It might be worth establishing a goal and then breaking it down into little pieces so you can tackle each one at time rather than trying to do it all at once.

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