Megan asks :

Hi Lucy,

I have young twin daughters and have been separated from their dad for nearly two years. He was very controlling and manipulative and put me through years of mental abuse. He cheated on me numerous times in the relationship and got the last woman he cheated on me with pregnant. He dumped me and very quickly moved in with her. For about a year he was telling me he wanted to come back, telling me he loved me and I stupidly slept with him on and off for months, whilst his girlfriend was pregnant. His family knew about the affair but obviously called me liar when I tried to speak up about it. His girlfriend always called me jealous and obsessed and one day I snapped. I saved every message he sent me and forwarded onto her. She apologised for calling me a liar... But is still with him. Now him and his family are practically laughing behind my back. I didn't do this to split them up but I just wanted to get him back for treating me so badly. I'm currently working and studying accountancy with my two children but sometimes I can't stop thinking about how much I hate him for treating me like he did... And his family! We were together 5 years and it's like they've all forgotten! Please help!

Hi Megan,

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

It sounds like you are getting on with your life, with your accountancy study and looking after your children- so perhaps it’s time to focus on those aspects and try to forget about what his family think of you. If you put all of your energy into your family and career then hopefully these thoughts will fade with time.

His family will naturally stick up for their son as parents do, despite the time that you invested with them and whatever it is that he has done in the past.

Perhaps sleeping with him was not the best way to get back at him for what he did. That said; it perhaps proved that what he told you was not the truth.

He might have told you he loved you and wanted to come back to you while he was with this other woman, however a history of mental abuse and cheating does not reinforce what he said to you. Love is something that is talked about and acted upon not just one of the other.

It might be that now is the time for you to progress personally, as a mother and in your working life too, for it seems if you are still involved with him in any capacity it’s constantly on your mind.


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