Ellen asks :

Hi Lucy,

My parents divorced when I was a young girl due to my father's adultery. Both my parents remarried. I lost contact with my biological father for many years out of loyalty to my mother. We have only in the last 3 years begun to speak again. My mother's new husband raised me as a child and I call him my Dad. Now my problem is this......I have just had a baby and my biological father is very keen to meet his first grandchild. However when I told my Mum this, she said that if I allowed this meeting, it would break my Dad's (Mum's husband, my Dad that raised me) heart! I am not sure what to do. I believe my biological father has a right to see his grandchild but I don’t want to hurt my Mum or Dad. Should I even tell either of them if I go ahead and let biological Dad meet baby. I don’t want my baby having to lie about seeing this granddad as she grows up. Any advice please would be appreciated.

Hi Ellen,

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

Perhaps sit down with your Dad and talk to him. If you tell him your reasoning behind it then he might understand. It doesn’t sound like you are doing it to cause any sort of conflict in your relationship with him or between your two fathers. It seems like you are doing it because you feel it's the right thing to do.

Maybe if you explain it like you have to me then maybe he will see it from your point of view. Perhaps if you reassure him that it won’t affect how much he sees his grandchild, then it might put his mind at ease.

He may worry that if your biological Dad is back in your life that he will be replaced. If you put these possible insecurities to bed then you might be able to find a happy medium here. All you have to go off right now is how your mum thinks he will react. Perhaps if you talk to him directly he might surprise you.

Your mum might have her own worries about the situation that she is projecting onto him- so maybe he needs to have his own opinion on the matter.



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