Amy asks :

Hi Lucy,

I'm in university and my flatmate who I get on with the best told me last term he was in love with me. Now I'm kind of seeing someone and my flatmate is always really down, and I can't talk to my other flatmates about it because he's always there. He is also doing the same course as me and I feel a bit trapped. What should I do? 

 

Hi Amy,

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

If you get on well with him and you spent a large amount of time together last term, perhaps he formed a connection because you were the only woman he felt comfortable around. He may be in love with you, it may be an infatuation- either way if you don't feel the same way then it sounds like you are better off as friends.

There is a chance he is down about something else- it is coincidental that it's fallen at this time, however there could be other things going on that you don't know about.

If you get on with him so well, then perhaps talk to him and see what's going on. If it is about you, then showing that you want to still be his friend does two things; it demonstrates that you still want him in your life but you are also labelling your relationship so there is no confusion.

If it's not about you, then perhaps he needs you to be there for him as a friend right now. It sounds like you need to address this not only to make your living situation better but also to make things less awkward in class.

All I would say is that if he is sad about you finding someone else; try not to be openly affectionate with your new partner in front of him as this will only make him feel worse. It is ok not to feel the same way back, however be considerate of his feelings until he finds a partner or learns to get over you.


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