Angie asks :

Hi Lucy,

Me and partner have been together for 2 years and have a lovely little boy. The relationship is great- obviously we have a few lovers tiffs. 

The problem I'm having is with one of his female friends. They slept together way before we were even talking. This doesn't really bother me, the thing that really gets on my nerves is she always mentions that they had a "thing" when it was a one off- she makes out like they were married. We went for dinner she dropped something down her jumper my partner pointed it out and she started ‘yeah on my boob why don't you lick it off.’ I've tried to tell him about it but he doesn't believe me. I've mentioned it to her and she just avoids the question completely. What can I do? I feel it's driving a wedge between us. 


Hi Angie,

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

It sounds like them sleeping together meant more to her than it did him. She may feel jealous if she's currently single or if she hasn't found anyone since. If you have a solid family unit- it might be something she craves herself.

If she's avoiding the question then she doesn't have to admit to anything that she's doing is wrong. She might be inappropriate in front of you because she delights in making you feel uncomfortable. She may see it as a game.

Your partner might not see it because he is not interested in her like that anymore- perhaps her advances wash over him because he won't entertain the thought anymore- it's been and gone.

One option is to ignore her and don't rise to her comments. If she does get a kick out of your reaction, she might stop if you simply move on and don't acknowledge them.

It may be time for your partner to end his friendship with this woman if it's driving a wedge between you. It might help to talk about it again- perhaps he doesn't realise the extent of how much it's bothering you. You could ask him how he would feel if a male friend of yours was acting in the same way. If he cares about you first and foremost he might consider dialling back his friendship with her or even severing contact altogether.

If you trust your partner- she can flirt, talk about the past and make suggestions all she wants- if he's committed to you- it won't make a difference.

It seems that she may be stuck in the past and is struggling to move on- it likely says more about her relationship with herself than your relationship with your partner.

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