Lisa asks :

Hi Lucy,

When my sister got engaged, she asked me and her future sister in law to be her bridesmaids. About a year later, she asked a friend to make her cake and then also asked her to be a bridesmaid as she never had been. I recently found out that my sister and the other two bridesmaids went out looking at dresses, but I was not even invited. I found out about it on Facebook when the days photos and comments were put up. My mum spoke to me the next day and said my sister was concerned how I would cope in the heat on the tube as I was only 4 months pregnant. (My sister wedding is not until summer 2015). My response was that I felt that was my decision to make about not going. My sister has never spoken to me about it. I have offered to help with any aspect, just to let me know. But keep getting told it's all sorted. The other two bridesmaids are making it clear that they know all the plans but my sister is telling me that they are not telling anyone yet I guess I am confused as I am not sure if I am a bridesmaid or not? What do you think is going on?


Hi Lisa,

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

Perhaps mention to her that you would like to be involved in more of the wedding plans- and to ask you beforehand if you feel you are well enough to come. You could tell her that you know the reason why she didn't invite you last time and ask her to check in with you before a fitting, as you say; to make it your decision to come rather than hers.

Maybe a gentle reminder of how seeing the meeting on Facebook made you feel might help her understand a bit better.

Or you could talk to her and ask her if she still wants you to be her bridesmaid. The answer might be hurtful especially after she asked you- however, knowing might put your mind at ease.

She might be trying to give you as little to do as possible if you have already got the baby to think about and your preparations for being a mum. It might look like she has excluded you, however if you talk to her then you might find that she is trying to do what is best for you.

To avoid any bad feeling, better communication between you both might put an end to this confusion. If you don't talk to her about it then you might get the wrong impression about what her intentions are. This is bound to be a time of change for you as it stands so the likelihood is that you don't need more worry and stress on top of your preparations to become a mother.

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