Cazzyboo asks :

Hi Lucy,

Last year I met a man on the way to work over summertime. We had so much fun. I liked his personality- he was just so calm, and understanding. A few months later I found out I was pregnant. we were both happy as this would be my second long awaited child at the age of 34. 

Even though I liked that he was an outspoken person and a bit clingy I guess it made me feel special in a way. After I had my daughter I just can’t seem to get along with him because I find him a bit manipulating at times. He’s negative towards most things I say and is controlling and bossy. I feel like I rushed into things too soon and now I’m paying the price.

How can I ask for space without being rude towards his feelings after all he is nice but not for me maybe?

 

Hi Cazzyboo,

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

It sounds like most of your troubles arose after you had your baby. Perhaps he is struggling with parenthood and he's taking it out on you? Maybe he's finding it hard to adjust to their relationship now the honeymoon phase is over? If so, then some relationship counselling might help you to talk about the way his new behaviour is affecting you. Similarly it will give him a chance to talk about why his emotions have turned so negative lately.

It sounds like you're struggling to find the strength to tell him how you really feel so perhaps having another impartial person there would help give you the confidence to do this.

Maybe if you're already a parent, you have found it easier than he has to adjust to your new responsibilities? Whatever is going on here it sounds like you need to talk more, with or without outside help.

If you take some time away from one another then perhaps it would give you the space you crave and him time to think over how he speaks and acts towards you now compared to when you first met. You would need to be clear about why you're taking time out and how you want the relationship to be when you get back or it could all be for nothing.


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