Pippa asks :

Hi Lucy, 

Almost a year ago I began university, my boyfriend and I decided we would do long distance and we are still together now. However one night a boy kissed me and I kissed him back. I told him straight away what had happened. I was drunk but that is no excuse. I came home and we resolved it and ever since everything has been fine. But now he has begun university and I trust him with everything but I keep thinking of what I did. I still feel so guilty and I just don't know what to do. Please help me

 

Hi Hannah,

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

If he forgave you, then it sounds like he accepted that it was a mistake, that you won't do it again and has moved on.

The guilt may be strong because you doubt yourself right now and were surprised by your actions. If you kissed someone while you were drunk then perhaps you are worried about doing it again. If you feel like this about yourself then you may be worrying about what he will do while he's at university. It sounds like you are projecting your own fears onto him.

The doubt in your mind over his behaviour might actually be a doubt in your mind over yours.

One way to get over the guilt would be to prove to yourself that it will never happen again. When you go out and get drunk- if you find yourself attracted to another man- think back to how you feel now after you acted on that attraction. It should prevent you from repeating your actions. Try to channel the guilt into something good, into turning your back on temptation and having a good night out with your friends.

Everyone makes mistakes and it's how you deal with them afterwards that is the most important thing. If your boyfriend still trusts you- then his faith in your fidelity moving forward should give you faith in yourself. If you are carrying so much guilt, it's generally a sign that you care a lot about someone and you are really sorry for what you have done- perhaps he realises this.


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