Lyndsay asks :

Hi Lucy,

I've been with my partner for almost two years, past 5 months we haven't had a proper sex life, he's never in the mood, always tired he won't even kiss me or touch me. I've tried foreplay giving him space , dressing up but nothing works :(

Our Reply

Hi Lyndsay,

This sounds very frustrating; that you can’t share a physical side to your relationship right now with your partner.

The longer couples are together, the more effort needs to be placed on keeping things alive in the bedroom. That, said, you have revealed you have tried foreplay and dressing up for him, so it seems like you are thinking outside of the box to rekindle what you once had.

Although all of these efforts are admirable, if this is a psychological issue then unfortunately they might fail to work. Have you tried talking to him about why the sex has diminished? This could be a good place to start. There might be something going on at work, or in another part of his life that he hasn’t told you, which is praying on his mind. If you enjoyed an active sex life before you got to this point then chances are he is missing it to.

Perhaps try to show your support and availability to talk about anything that might be bothering him or leading to his lack of libido. Try not to focus on the fact that the sex has reduced, as this is a negative, and he might feel like you are blaming him if the focus is on this. Maybe try to turn it around and focus on the things you miss, this way you will have happy memories to share and talk about and it might jolt him into realising what he is missing or telling you why you are not enjoying the same sex now. 

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