Michelle asks :

Hi Lucy,


My partner and I have been together for 5 years we got engaged at Christmas 2012 but 3 weeks ago we split up and he moved back to his parent’s house. We had not been getting on for a while and he had been texting a girl from the football club he helps coach (the girl is also a coach). His mobile was like the crown jewels and he never let it’s out his sight. I confronted him on several occasions because I knew something was wrong with the way he was acting; he accused me of being paranoid and said he even thought it was funny the way I kept on about his mobile! 3 weeks ago he went out on the Saturday night, he told me he was going out with friends but the girl coach had put on Facebook that she was having a laugh with him. I saw it and went to my brothers for the night as felt sick to the stomach, he tried calling me at 6.30 on the Sunday morning to see where I was (he had obviously been with her all night). I eventually went home Sunday morning where he said he was moving out as he was not happy. He swears nothing went on with the girl and that she wanted to be with him and he went to explain that she couldn’t. He has since said he wants us to try again but take things slow. I agreed to this as I am willing to give 100% as I think it's a shame to throw away the last 5 years due to a lack of communication. He says it was because she showed him attention and I wasn’t. He is still living at his mums and comes around once or twice a week and stays over, but his also going out on the other days and her Facebook status always coincide with what his said his done. I really want us to work and I asked him if he had feeling for the other girl but he says no, he has had several opportunities to tell the truth and walk away but still says he does not want us to end?? I am so confused and now find myself checking the Facebook page of this girl with a feeling of dread every time, any advice will gratefully received.

Our Reply

Hi Michelle,


It sounds like this situation has really been eating you up inside.


Something very positive has come out of this situation, despite it having put you through the mix. You have learned that to make your relationship better you need to make a bigger effort at communicating with one another.


If the reason he gravitated toward another woman was because of a lack of attention at home, then this is something you can work on in future. The biggest problem with having a break and getting back together is that the couple doesn’t work hard enough on the problems that they separated for the last time. Habits can creep back unless you are both committed to making it work. Some couples don’t know what it is that has made them go their separate ways, however you two do.


While he was living at his mums it has given him time for reflection, which is a good thing, as it sounds like he has realised that you have a good foundation to work on.


Constantly checking her Facebook page might not be such a good idea. Why not put all your focus into your relationship if you want to make another go of things and then he won't have any reason to seek her attention anymore. 

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