Francine asks :

Hello Lucy,


I’ve been in a long distance relationship for 10 years. I love him very much and thought he loved me. I went to see him in October and we argued. He was very possessive about me having other men as friends on Facebook so I deleted them. I thought we had a good relationship but he’s moody and withdrawn. He told me his dad wants him to marry a cousin in Tunisia. I was hurt over Christmas. I shouted then I suggested we got married secretly and engaged as it’s been 10 long years. He was horrible to me he said he would not marry any cousin or family member neither will he engage or marry me. He said we can go on the way we are or I can marry any man I like and he’s not bothered. I am feeling I’ve wasted 10 years of my life now and he only wants me when he needs financial support. What can I do I’m not eating I’m not sleeping wondering if he just said it in temper.


Our Reply

Hi Francine,


Relationships are never wasted, even if it is not the one you will spend the rest of your life in you can still learn from it.


Trust can be difficult in a long distance relationship, as the physical and emotional gap can make you believe untruths. It sounds like his trust for you or your friends was shaken which was perhaps why he had an issue with the other men in your life.


If he was feeling the pressure from you and his family to enter into marriage then this could explain his outburst. He might have said that you could marry who you wanted because he was angry and said it without thinking


10 years is long time to devote to someone so perhaps get in touch and ask him if his feelings are the same now he has calmed down. If he isn’t ready for marriage, then are you willing to wait or settle for never getting married to him, if that is what he wants? Did you get a lot out of there relationship before now? If you were putting in more to this than him, both emotionally and financially then perhaps his intentions are not what you thought they were and his remarks were based on truth.




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