Cheryl asks :

Hi Lucy,

My 28 year old daughter became engaged recently. 4 days afterwards she began to have doubts, this has been going on for two weeks. They have been together for 4 years and lived together for 1 year. All she wanted was for him to pop the question and she was thrilled when he did. She says she still loves him. How can I help her?

Our Reply

Hi Cheryl,

Perhaps it is all just pre wedding nerves. It might have waited for so long that she assumed it would take him more time to ask her and it has come as quite a shock. With planning and the cost of a wedding looming she might have just panicked when it all finally sunk in.

How do you feel the relationship was before this? Did they seem good together? Have they had a lot of problems? If their partnership has been rocky then she might be concerned that it is more complicated to leave him once they are married, whereas now she can walk away.

All I would suggest is that you listen to her and let her talk things through with you- you can’t make the decision for her to stay or to leave- that she has to figure out on her own. Even if you were to express you opinion of what she should do –she might not necessarily take your preferred option.

Perhaps talk about her biggest fears about marriage and see what can be done to eliminate those or to reduce them at least. Are you married? If so- think back- did you feel any doubts before you tied the knot? If so then perhaps share your experiences with her to put her at ease.

There is always a temptation to punish ourselves for being unsure when something as big as a wedding is on the horizon, even if it’s right. It’s human nature to question ourselves when it’s a decision that will affect the rest of our lives.


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