Anonymous asks:

Is it ok that my husband is giving his daughters large sums of money without even mentioning it to me first? 

We are talking about thousands. He then expects me to pay half of the recent decorating costs despite the fact he earns far more than me and I have two children to support.


Clarissa Bloom says: Is the money coming from a shared account or his private finances? What are the reasons they require the money?

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

Do you have any upcoming costs or are you both saving for anything? These are all questions that have to be answered. While most relationships with shared accounts tend to have one person who is more in control of the finances, it is important they handle them responsibly and liaise with their partner about any sizeable costs, especially if they reach the thousands.

The split on costs can be a difficult subject when partners are on very different wage brackets. A lot of the time the costs should be considered proportionately, unless one partner wants the purchase more than the other, at which point they take greater responsibility. It is a subject which is worth discussing in detail, but first putting down on paper (or excel) all your incomings and outgoings each month, so you can highlight the remaining funds and the limited availability for certain costs and outgoings, especially compared to a partner with a higher income. 

Also, the reason for the daughters being funded is an important factor. If they are going through a difficult financial time, or they are saving for something important, then it can be understandable. However if this is an act of generosity then he should certainly be consulting with you on the concept of offering the money before even discussing the quantity.

Clarissa Bloom is the Relationship & Dating Expert for

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