All couples have problems. Fact.
The Beckhams, the Clintons, even the Waltons. Everyone has their ups and downs. But sometimes there are deeper problems that lead to a break up. Many people are caught off-guard by a breakup; it comes out of the blue. However, more often than not the warning signs are there in front of their eyes. They just didn't know what to look for.
Here are Five Warning Signs that your relationship may be perilously close to crashing on some rocks.
Everyone argues. But do you and your partner argue about the same things again and again and again? Even when something new sparks an argument, do the same old battles reappear to be fought over yet again? Do these recurring battles leave you feeling constantly criticised?
2: No resolution
When you and your partner have a disagreement, do you find that your differences are seldom resolved? Does an argument never really end, instead morphing into a resentful agree-to-disagree state where you really blame each other for failing to compromise or apologise.
3: Lack of communication
Do you find that you and your partner seldom talk about personal matters? Have you stopped asking each other about the other person's day? Are you keeping worries to yourselves? Is bottling up concerns leaving you feeling frustrated or angry or perhaps hurt that you don't share more?
4: Other people
Has your partner seemed a little distant or disconnected from you from time to time? Have they said something along the lines of they need their space? Does your partner appear more normal or even happier around other people? This is a major danger signal.
Have you felt that you haven't been yourself recently? Are you acting out of character? Have you become increasingly irritable? Have you been increasingly withdrawn? These are indicators of depression, and although you may not know consciously that your relationship is in trouble, part of you may have been picking up on the signs
So what do you do about it?
First of all, if you believe you may be suffering from depression, seek help. Do not try to push through. Asking for help does not necessarily mean medication; often just talking to someone can be hugely beneficial. And the first person you should share your concerns with is your partner. Remember, keeping things from each other helps no one.
One of the most important things you can do to steer your relationship away from rocky territory is to nurture fondness and admiration for your partner. Make an effort to remember their positive qualities, especially when confronting their flaws; it's what you'd hope they'd do for you. Don't restrict these positive feelings to your internal monologue. Express them. Several times each day.
You and your partner will always argue, but search for common ground. If there's a disagreement, don't make it a competition where there has to be a winner. Listen to your partner's point of view. They may be right. Or at least less wrong than you thought they were.
It's important to practice acceptance and understanding, and to take responsibility for your own actions (and inactions).
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Manj Weerasekera is an expert in personal communication and a Life Skills Mentor to high net worth individuals (including some honoured by her Majesty the Queen).
Manj has a world-class skills set that includes Humanistic Neuro-Linguistic Psychology, Performance Mindset Conditioning and the Psychology of Attention. He has worked with the House of Lords, co-produced a series of BBC audio books, and is author of the forthcoming book ' The Divorced Man's Guide to Finding Mrs. Right' and 'The Merlin Approach™ '.
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