Well it’s the New Year, which means a lot of people will have made big decisions about their relationships and sometimes a helping hand is needed to help them get through. Hayley Quinn is back to assist you with you love lives, or in this case the aftermath of a break up.
Female First discussion board member asks:
We broke after 6 year relationship. How to forget someone easily? Now I get myself busy working 2 jobs all day along 7 days for a year, but that didn't work and only found myself depressed. Can you give some suggestions? Thank you.
If only forgetting someone was as easy as flicking a switch- but that wouldn’t be natural, right?
When you lose a partner you have to grieve. You have to grieve all of the memories you made over the past 6 years, and then all the hopes you had for the future that didn’t work out that way.
You can’t short circuit this, and when you try the road just gets longer. As you’ve discovered ‘distraction’ (whether that’s propping yourself up at a bar, or burying yourself in work) is only a temporary fix.
So it’s time you opened the can of worms and started to deal with them.
First of all you need to create space for your brain to start processing things- this means you have to spend at least a couple of nights a week at home, relaxing (no TV, no computer games!) just getting used to spending time by yourself again. (If the thought of this makes you feel uncomfortable right now then you’ve got to get back on good terms with yourself).
Because when you’re back on good terms with you, you understand the reasons why you broke up, and you still value yourself you’ll start to treat yourself better. This should mean that you give yourself a break and forgive yourself for your part in the break up; and that you start to reward yourself with gradually going to events you like, and building the self-esteem you need to meet new people.
No this isn’t a quick fix- but it is the definitive fix for finally closing a chapter in your life and realizing that there’s a whole new future out there for you.