De-clutter every single room- Translated means cramming everything into cupboards so it looks tidy- just so people don't think you live in a pig sty for the rest of the year. You can totally de-clutter properly during your 'spring clean' that you never get around to.

Christmas on Female First

Christmas on Female First

Use potpourri- It looks suspiciously like something you should dunk in dip and it makes you sneeze but- alas- it covers up the smell of farts and dust.

Use a tablecloth and napkins- And ruin both because you're used to wipe down surfaces- not ones that can stain. You make a note to get disposable ones next year.

Clean the fridge- Only to find you already have cheese for the post dinner board, who said anything about it having to be in date?

Use the best china and cutlery- This is the one and only time you get it out- the rest of year you both eat off plastic trays and cracked plates from the daily dishwasher cycle.

Eat in the dining room for every meal, rather than off your lap- You have to learn all over again what order the cutlery past the knife and fork goes in ala Pretty Woman.

Use the posh towels- No threadbare or stained towels at Christmas- at this time of year you show off your festive vibes with tea towels covered holly that you wish was real so you could poke your most annoying relative with it.

Fancy hand-wash for the bathroom- Hand-wash that doesn't have the price sticker still stuck to the side or smell like washing up liquid- AKA the fancy stuff. This is the time of year for exotic smells like Aloe Vera, spiced berries and strange concoctions of essential oils and flowers. They make you gag but they're the done thing.

Update decorative cushions and throws- Merely to cover up the imperfections on your sofa from clumsy dinners, sofa sex and drunken spills.

Upgrade the toilet paper- No cheap, white tissue for your guests- no- one must wipe their bottom with a snowman or a reindeer or Christmas is just not the same.

Research by George Home and One Poll.

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